Gay Christian? Pronouns? Why Words Matter.
Are feelings personhood? Some believe they are, meaning that if I feel an attraction to the same sex, then that is my identity. It is who I am, not just how I feel. “I am gay,” or “I am a lesbian” becomes “my truth,” as people say.
It is one thing when the world believes this, as the church should expect false beliefs by those who do not have the Holy Spirit in them. But, when the church becomes confused and starts believing that which is in error, then it becomes a crisis.
Many Christians, including some pastors I have either spoken with or listened to, believe that we should refer to other people in the way that they prefer in order to gain an audience with them to share the gospel. But is this biblical? I argue that it isn’t.
I can simultaneously love you, and disagree with you. It isn’t logical to believe that if I don’t believe everything you believe that I either hate you or am afraid of you. We don’t believe this way about most other things, but Satan has deceived the world, primarily through media and entertainment, the education system, and even through the modern pulpit to believe that you must endorse and approve of everything everyone else says and does in regards to LGBTQ+ issues, or else you are hateful and somehow afraid. Not true. Therefore we must choose words intentionally, because they do matter.
Lawyers believe that words matter, which is why people call them when reviewing a contract. Likewise, when speaking about theological issues, words absolutely matter. This is why seminary students are usually required to study original biblical languages so that the meanings of words can be properly understood and in turn taught to others.
Believers in Jesus should not use words that encourage those in the LGBTQ+ community to identify with their sins. Therefore, there is no such thing as a “gay Christian,” any more than there is a “lying Christian,” or a “coveting Christian.” We should never identify people made in the image of God by their sins.
Likewise, using words like gender by believers is not helpful, because it is using the term the LGBTQ+ community prefers so that “who they are” can be whatever they feel like. The word gender (based on feelings, although sometimes used to mean biology) and the word sex (based on biology) are not as interchangeable as some people believe, and it is crucial that believers in Jesus understand this and are being intentional about their words. A simple Google search of “Do the words sex and gender have the same meaning” will confirm what I am asserting here.
Those who previously identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc, that have been redeemed by Christ, should simply refer to themselves as Christians, not as what they were before being converted. Scripture says of those previously in same sex sins and other sins, “Such were some of you.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, NASB emphasis added) In other words, now you are new creations in Christ and the old has passed and the new has come, as 2 Corinthians 5:17 teaches.
But, you say, my son or daughter insists they be called gay, lesbian, bisexual, or by pronouns that are not correct. What should I do? Ultimately, you cannot control your adult children, and sometimes even your minor children as far as what they want to be called, but you can control what words come out of your mouth. I always refer to others as God made them, and in so doing I am being faithful to Him and loving towards them.
Speaking to someone about themselves in a way that isn’t truthful is not love. Scripture says, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16, NASB 1995). My priority is faithfulness to God and to treat others with dignity and kindness, not to bending the truth to please other people.
Sometimes being nice and being kind are confused. Nice can involve selfish motives of telling others what they want to hear to benefit self, including to gain the approval of the other person, whereas kind speaks truth in love. Jesus was kind, but He was not necessarily nice. (Consider Matthew chapter 23 as evidence).
Words matter, and if you still doubt that they do, ask yourself why those in this community make such a big deal about words.
I assure you that those who are pushing the sexual agenda of LGBTQ+ very much care about word definitions and their usages. The church is being beaten in this battle, because we’ve agreed to play by their rules, which in part is to use their chosen definitions of words instead of using the words God uses about us. We must not do so.
To paraphrase a statement I heard someone say, the church has gone from calling out sin, to negotiating how to surrender the battle to those involved in sin. So whenever speaking with people who are in the LGBTQ+ lifestyle or who are struggling to resist it, I believe it is important to ensure you both have the same meanings of words or else it can become fruitless.
Scripture doesn’t call the church to compromise, but to engage family, friends, and culture with truth and love. Love without truth is wishy-washy, but truth without love is grumpy. Pastor Wayne Bray of First Baptist Church, Simpsonville, SC said, “Truth without love is legalistic.” We must speak with love and truth as Christians.
Believers should not use words to attach other people’s sins (or your own) to personhood. I choose not to do so and have stated why. Words do matter. Choose wisely.
