How Do You Engage an Adult Child Struggling with Homosexuality?

This question has stumped many a parent and grandparent. And it is becoming something more parents are having to consider, because according to a poll conducted by Gallup in 2024, 23.1 % of Gen Zers and 14.2% of Millennials identify as LGBTQ+ (Gallup, 2025).

So how do parents who want to reach an adult child engage with them? When you’ve already tried nagging, arguing, begging, negotiating, convincing, and using logic, but all of this has failed, what do you try next?

I believe that the starting point for engagement is always yourself. Some give credit to John Wesley for having said, (although it is in debate as to whether he actually said it), “Light yourself on fire with passion and people will come for miles to watch you burn.” Although the source of the quote is disputed, the idea itself is on point in my view. I have found that when someone is fired up for Jesus, others do seem drawn to watch what God is doing in their lives and seem drawn to them. This idea is really what I encourage parents of children who are in the LGBTQ+ lifestyle to do. Pursue Jesus with all of your heart, and watch as He works.

My parents, when I was in the depths of sin, didn’t chase me. They told me that I was wrong, and that I knew I was wrong. But, they also assured me that I am their son, and they love me and always will. But what they didn’t do is spend much time, if any, trying to convince me to repent, or trying to talk me out of my sins, or arguing. But then the praying started, and I could feel them praying for me, and it was powerful. Never underestimate the power of a praying father and mother, and a praying grandfather and grandmother.

My wife has a Yorkie. (This is going somewhere). Occasionally, the little rascal will escape the confines of the house by shooting through an open door before anyone realizes it. And when my wife and I first married, she would chase the little dog all over creation. And, as you would guess, the dog ran a little faster than my wife did so she couldn’t be apprehended. (I always felt the need to sing the theme from the TV show “Cops” the whole time the pursuit was going on).

It’s also like this with adult children, unfortunately. If you chase them (argue, try to convince, try to subtly control, continuously criticize their decisions), then they, just like the little yorkie, are going to run away from you as far and as fast as they can. Interestingly, I recommended bending down and tapping the ground when Ella the Yorkie started running. The first time this new approach was tried, she came running back into the house and jumped up on the couch and put her head down.

When your children are far from God in sin, whether homosexuality, transgenderism, or in other sins, don’t chase them. Instead, consider trying the things below. And, it isn’t easy to do, so if you are faint of heart, this may be beyond what you are willing to lean into, but it is what so many other parents have done.

First, remember Jesus made them and loves them more than you. He knew everything about them in eternity past. He isn’t sitting in heaven wringing his hands in worry over them. He is Almighty God, and nothing is too difficult for Him (Jeremiah 32:27, NASB).

Second, accept that this is going to be hard. But you can do hard things, and God can do all things. Trust Him.

Third, if you dare, ask the Lord to do whatever it takes to bring your child into proper relationship with Him. This takes boldness. And, we cannot be angry when praying this and God starts moving as a result, and sometimes it becomes difficult to watch.

Fourth, we make the decision to become very serious in prayer for our children. In fact, remember that if you aren’t praying for your son or daughter, then no one is praying for them. I choose to make war on behalf of our children and grandchildren. Fathers, especially you, must lead in this, and you should be the one who is the most serious, driven, and focused in prayer for your child who is far from God.

Fifth, set yourself on fire for Jesus Christ, and people will come to watch you burn. This involves several things. Start with being in the Word every day, (not most days, but every day). And, you must become men and women of prayer, and I mean as a way of life. Showing up at church when the church meets to the best of your ability is crucial in your walk with God. Of course, finding godly friends and ask them to pray for your child with you regularly. Perhaps the most important part of getting serious with God is to make sure you kill the sin in your own life. Proverbs 1:23 says, “If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.” If you want the power of the Holy Spirit working in your life and to understand the deep riches of His Word, then repentance is required on your part, and it is urgent.

This is a great start to reaching your children who are far from God. But, only God draws men and women, boys and girls to Jesus, and so even if you do everything right, there is no guarantee that anyone will turn to Christ. I pray for those in my family and those in extended family, and others who are lost with faith, believing that He is faithful and will draw them to Jesus and that they will be in right relationship with Him one day.

As a final word, don’t give up. If you give up on them, then who is fighting for their souls? A stranger? Probably not. If you aren’t praying for them, then no one is. As my youth minister used to say when I was young, you have to “Keep on keeping on,” and sometimes this is easier said than done when your precious son or daughter is in rebellion against God. Whatever you do, don’t quit! Let’s go!